Hrm......

So I might be a little crazy--
they don't call me Lolo for nothin', right, Wendy?
or perhaps I'm exiting the "Honeymoon Phase" as it's commonly called.
But even with all of the connection I was feeling before--which is fantastic--mostly because it showed me an interesting view of the world, and more importantly, of myself and the places I want to go in life--is now accompanied by a disconnect. I am really enjoying my current project for Tamarack (the teaching guide--I really resonate with the intentions and the language there) but I also have a hard time connecting with some of the greater philosophies here, and some of the things that I'm working on as an editor or researcher. In fact, there seems to be a bit of hypocrisy happening with what we say is good, and what we do--
like the food situation--we're "against" agriculture, in many of the teachings, but instead of growing food ourselves, which would be a pretty welcome effect for Pachamama (Mother Earth) I should think, we are buying organic produce in bulk--but it's not local. Obviously. It's the middle of December. Still---even in the summertime. That's a pretty general one, a simple one--but basically some of the "preachings", if you will, that are totally radical or unreasonable to present to the world on the whole.

this is probably not news to any of you. It's not really news to me, either. In fact some of us have definitely chatted about this particular problem. I guess I'm finally getting around to expressing it here...since I hadn't been a very good blogger lately, I realized today why that is.

I don't have much to say, I guess, especially that's positive.

So...I need to let this settle a bit, sift around in there some more, and talk with Tamarack. Decide what, if anything, I feel I need to do right now. Or soon. Either way, whatever I decide, I'm sure I will consider living here a positive experience. Otherwise, I just wouldn't continue doing it.

I'm currently reading, among other things, Arthur Koestler's Darkness at Noon about Revolution in Russia. Here's something to ponder (I know I am)

How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?
How else can one change it?
He who understands and forgives--where would he find a motive to act?
Where would he not?

more soon--hugs and love to you all--
Lolo