Hrm......

So I might be a little crazy--
they don't call me Lolo for nothin', right, Wendy?
or perhaps I'm exiting the "Honeymoon Phase" as it's commonly called.
But even with all of the connection I was feeling before--which is fantastic--mostly because it showed me an interesting view of the world, and more importantly, of myself and the places I want to go in life--is now accompanied by a disconnect. I am really enjoying my current project for Tamarack (the teaching guide--I really resonate with the intentions and the language there) but I also have a hard time connecting with some of the greater philosophies here, and some of the things that I'm working on as an editor or researcher. In fact, there seems to be a bit of hypocrisy happening with what we say is good, and what we do--
like the food situation--we're "against" agriculture, in many of the teachings, but instead of growing food ourselves, which would be a pretty welcome effect for Pachamama (Mother Earth) I should think, we are buying organic produce in bulk--but it's not local. Obviously. It's the middle of December. Still---even in the summertime. That's a pretty general one, a simple one--but basically some of the "preachings", if you will, that are totally radical or unreasonable to present to the world on the whole.

this is probably not news to any of you. It's not really news to me, either. In fact some of us have definitely chatted about this particular problem. I guess I'm finally getting around to expressing it here...since I hadn't been a very good blogger lately, I realized today why that is.

I don't have much to say, I guess, especially that's positive.

So...I need to let this settle a bit, sift around in there some more, and talk with Tamarack. Decide what, if anything, I feel I need to do right now. Or soon. Either way, whatever I decide, I'm sure I will consider living here a positive experience. Otherwise, I just wouldn't continue doing it.

I'm currently reading, among other things, Arthur Koestler's Darkness at Noon about Revolution in Russia. Here's something to ponder (I know I am)

How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?
How else can one change it?
He who understands and forgives--where would he find a motive to act?
Where would he not?

more soon--hugs and love to you all--
Lolo

Back to the Future

Which is not, necessarily a good thing--considering I am trying to live in the moment.

Today I have come into Three Lakes to the library to work on some things--mostly a story about a Moose--my own story, not Tamarack's. I have been feeling overwhelmed, distracted, by the massive amount of daily "circle" activities. Although it is wonderful to be a part of a community, I am finding that I need to balance self-time, work-time, and circle-time, more than ever. It's a bit of a struggle--I am feeling pulled in different directions, not totally sure what my place is here.

Sometimes I so deeply feel that all I want to do is write. Nothing else. Don't want to eat or sleep or walk or run or dance or talk to people. I just want to write!!!!! I just told Kai, a newcomer from Germany who will be translating some of Tamarack's work, that I could sit here contentedly all afternoon, simply because there are no distractions (except, of course, those that I choose--such as this little blog). I have written more--worked on a couple of poems, and the middle part of the story, which I keep getting stuck on.

I am future projecting, as we call it here--I can't wait to leave, which is strange because each time I leave I become anxious to get back. Personally, I blame Derek. And Santa Claus. :)

Can't wait to see you all very soon.
Lots of love, and big hugs.
oh--and everyone, send out warm and peaceful thoughts to Reid Levin, a great and wonderful man and a friend from high school. Thinking of you, Reid...

The Guitar Man

He accompanies the clatter of dishes
and the whirring cappuccino machine,
the ornament of laughing voices,
the clicking of keys,
the clean sounds of creation
muddled by grubby restaurant hands.

His gentle fingers pluck stretched strings,
stroking the body of an old spanish guitar,
fingers I have seen somewhere before.

He strums,
one knee raised like a prayer,
fighting the noise,
but then there is nothing else
in the world but fingers
and familiar songs
and the silence between.

Little-Mystery Moon

Manidoo Giizis

(This is the Ojibwe name for the month we are in).

It has been a whole month since I last wrote on this...naughty blogger!

So I promise, my upcoming projects include getting this blog back on track, including some photos and stuff. Part of the reason I've been so bad is because I'm cheating on this blog, with my Creative Writer's blog--come see it sometime.

More soon, but today's a busy day--
Lolo